How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
