Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Pants are for mortals
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
