Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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