Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
