you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Mom said you looked used
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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