I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize