You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
