sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
