I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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