Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
