i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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