Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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