he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
