found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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