Your face is a jimmy john
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm jealous of your bromance
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
