genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I need a beard to bite.
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