im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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