If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
