I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
