'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
