Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
