Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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