I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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