is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
