Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
