Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
