so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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