i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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