he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
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