Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
