Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
