Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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