Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize