Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
