Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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