Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
