Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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