Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
