it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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