i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We are two peas in an std pod
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
