drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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