sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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