He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
