I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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