She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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