and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
