I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
