nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
