Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
