Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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