You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
