So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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