We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
