Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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