I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
