I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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