Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
