my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
