he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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