Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I want her autograph on my taint
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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