I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize