Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
