i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize