Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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