It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize