I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
